When it comes to sexual desire, people often wrongly assume that all men are ready for action anytime.
Not all men are created equal — in the bedroom anyway.
Many people wrongly believe that all men are easily aroused, easily pleased, and of course, easily finished. So much of our media exposure and Hollywood mythology about male sexuality portrays guys as horndogs whose main focus is having sex — and lots of it — and moving on. Male sexual desire is rarely as straightforward and simplistic as the media make it out to be. While it might be true that certain men can become aroused and satisfied quickly, there is much more to male sexual desire than that.
- Excitement phase — in which a person’s desire is peaked, either through stimulation, fantasy, or a combination of the two
- Plateau phase — in which desire increases but orgasm is not quite reached
- Resolution phase — post-orgasm stage
They later discovered another stage that occurs only in men, called the refractory period. It’s the stage after orgasm, a cooling-off period men need before they are able to become erect again — as opposed to women, who are capable of multiple orgasms. However, this is not the only difference between the genders. Researchers now argue that while women can climb up and down the sexual-desire stages (from excitement to plateau to orgasm to excitement again), men have a more linear sexual experience. In other words, once they become aroused, they seek satisfaction immediately.
While it might be true that men and women perceive men’s sexual process this way, the truth is that it is completely possible for a man to slow down his desire and experience a more sensual and fulfilling side of sex. In fact, when dealing with male sexual dysfunction issues such as early ejaculationthe most helpful treatment is for a man to learn how to draw out his sexual response and get in touch with discovering his point of no return. Using a scale from 1 to 4, a man usually will climb from 1 to 2 to 3 to 4, but he could train himself to climb up and down the sexual desire scale from 1 to 2 and back again; this will lengthen his intercourse sessions and make his orgasms that much more intense and pleasurable.
Other people argue that male sexual desire also differs from female sexual desire in that their excitement stage often requires direct and visual stimulation. While a woman might be easily aroused from a racy story or a naughty fantasy, men might require more physical or clear stimulation, such as an X-rated movie or oral pleasure from their partner. Perhaps this is because men are simply used to receiving this stimulation, while women are used to internalizing their desires and utilizing fantasy in the bedroom. Or perhaps men are just hardwired to seek out the attributes they find desirable. Whatever the case, differing sexual-desire models among the sexes can lead to some complications in the bedroom. For instance, while the man can be satisfied with direct stimulation or the sight of his partner in the buff, she might need something more, such as foreplay, romance, or perhaps even a bit of fantasy. Understanding the differences between the male and female sexual experiences can help couples to navigate these issues and create the most satisfying sexual interactions possible.
Source: Dr. Laura Berman