Aside

Slow down and engage in some erotic foreplay.

Foreplay is not only fun and exciting, it also helps to ensure that both you and your partner have an amazing time and are that much closer to reaching orgasm. I always say that if men are like microwaves, then women are like slow-cooking ovens. For most men, all it takes is the mere suggestion of sex and they are ready to go, but women are a little different. Not only do their bodies often take longer to respond, but they also need some time to make the mental switch from “mommy” or “corporate star” to “sex kitten.”

It doesn’t help that women are often multitasking machines, which means that they have a million things running through their heads at any given time during the day or night. Letting go of that to-do list and getting into a sexy frame of mind isn’t as easy as hitting a switch, and that’s where foreplay can help. Here’s how:

  • Begin by making sure that you will have enough time to enjoy foreplay before the main event. Just a mere 10 or 15 minutes can make all the difference. Not all of this foreplay needs to be physical. You can also use this time to unwind, cuddle with each other, have a glass of wine, kiss, or talk. (Dirty talk preferably!) It will be a lot easier for both of you to feel sexual and enjoy the moment if you aren’t still stressed out over work or worrying about the kids. Take a few minutes to put the world on pause, breathe deeply, and reconnect. Think of this as mental foreplay.
  • Men, try running your fingers gently along your partner’s back or in between her thighs. Kiss her along her breasts or neck. Spend time engaging the erogenous zones, and when it’s your turn, simply lie back and enjoy the sensations your partner’s fingers and tongue can create.
  • Don’t feel like you need to be the “giver” or that you are selfish if you enjoy your partner’s advances. Instead of thinking of receiving pleasure as selfish, think of it as a way for your partner to feel connected and intimate with you. Notice how he enjoys making you feel good, and how much more bonded and sensual you feel when pleasure is a two-way street. Think of foreplay as a dance: You each have a role to play and steps to perform, and it shouldn’t be a solo routine for either of you.
  • Foreplay doesn’t have to begin right before sex, or even in the bedroom. If you know that you don’t have time for sex, or if you are somewhere you can’t have sex (the middle of a restaurant, a wedding, etc.), you can tease your partner by giving him just a little taste of what’s to come. Give him a deep kiss when no one is looking, lay your hand on his thigh, or whisper to him what you want to do when you get back to your bedroom.

You don’t want to rush through foreplay; nor do you want to feel like there is a set amount of time you have to fill. If you are attune with each other’s bodies, it should be natural and evident when it is time to move on, and the switch from foreplay to sex should be organic and smooth.

Source: Dr. Laura Berman

Great Foreplay Makes the Wait Worthwhile

Aside

Sound has power in and out of the bedroom, and it’s a crucial part of your communication with your partner.

 

 

Whether you are whispering sweet nothings or shouting your love from a mountaintop, there’s no denying theaudible impact on feelings of attraction. Yet even before we hear the content of what someone has to say, our auditory processing draws on biological clues and patterns to determine our attraction reaction. In fact, several studies have shown that the qualities of our voices transmit important details about attraction, health, and fertility to potential partners.

How Low Can He Go

According to research, men with deeper voices are more appealing to women. Studies have shown that with all other physical characteristics being equal, men with deeper voices were rated as more attractive. Perhaps it’s the association with testosterone, which makes the voice more masculine at puberty.

For women, it also turns out their voices are rated as more attractive when they’re most fertile. In some studies, women’s voices were rated as most attractive during ovulation and least attractive during menstruation. For women, voice pitch depends a lot on estrogen, which is the female hormone produced by the ovaries. So, high levels of estrogen result in higher-pitched voices.

And what about accents, speed, and inflection? Studies show that we judge fast talkers as more educated and those with varied inflection as more interesting. Pitch correlates only loosely with height but, as we said above, is closely tied to hormone levels — meaning it’s a good indicator of fertility or dominance, as well as health and attractiveness.

Now That You’ve Found Your “Sound Mate”

Beyond all the science, it’s crucial to close your eyes and listen to your partner. How does his voice make you feel? Words are like invisible hands that arouse the body in unexpected ways. Men especially love to hear the sounds of an enthusiastic partner. And stretching yourself to be more verbal in bed can boost your own arousal. You’re talking yourself toward new heights of sexual satisfaction.

It’s not simply about talking dirty. It’s about finding your comfort zone and expressing what you are feeling and craving. Sex is often off-limits for discussion, which makes it even more provocative once you get comfortable doing it. If you are feeling shy, start out by doing it over the phone or in a moment when you know it can’t go any further, such as when you’re rushing out the door for work in the morning.

Then move on to saying it while in bed. If you start judging yourself or feeling silly, mentally push yourself into the moment. What do you want him to do to you right now? Think about the sensations you are feeling in your body. Then tell him! Moan and coo when he does something you enjoy; exclaim when you are feeling pleasure. Pay attention to each other’s breathing and its power to communicate. Chances are he will be inspired by your example.

Make it a point to tune in: Sound is a sensory delight. So turn up the volume for great sex and a great relationship!

 

Source: Dr. Laura Berman

Sound Impacts Our Love Lives