Valentine’s Day has come and gone – those of you who have been in long-term relationships, what makes it work? Please share your thoughts below.
When you feel unfulfilled behind closed doors it can be difficult to speak up and tell your partner the truth.
Q: My partner is well-meaning, but he doesn’t know how to please me in the bedroom. How can I tell him what I want without offending him?
A: Many women struggle with asking their partners for what they want in the bedroom. Part of the problem is that women are used to being people-pleasers, even when it comes to sex. They shy away from owning their own pleasure and voicing their own needs, even though this cheats them out of enjoying sexual release and damages their relationships. Believe it or not, most men say their number-one sexual priority is making sure their partner is satisfied. Yep, his biggest turn-on is knowing that he is turning you on, so it’s great that you are stepping up to the plate and looking for ways to help him do that.
First, make sure that you never, ever, fake orgasm. Not only are you cheating yourself out of pleasure and denying your own sexual needs, but you are also being dishonest with your partner. Though your intentions are good, deception and dishonesty have no role in a healthy relationship, especially when it comes to the bedroom. As I mentioned earlier, your partner wants to please you and when you deny him the right to do so, you chip away at the essential bond between the two of you.
Additionally, since your needs are not being met, you will find yourself more tense and irritable with him. Indeed, it is not uncommon for a woman to quietly resent her partner for not fulfilling her, even though she is doing everything in her power to convince him that she is fulfilled. Talk about a vicious cycle! This is why lies (even the “little white ones”) have no place in your relationship.
Skip all that deception and get right to the heart of the issue. Do so tactfully and subtly. For example, if you are watching a movie and you see a sultry sex scene that gets your heart racing, why not lean over to your partner and say, “I’d love to try that position with you tonight.” Or, if you are thumbing through a women’s magazine and see an article on sex tips that catches your eye, clip it out for him to read with a note that says, “Hope you are ready for this later!”
Next, you might try a hands-on approach…literally! When you are in the middle of a hot-and-heavy encounter and he seems to be missing your hot spots, pull back and say “I want to give you a sexy show.” Then, self-stimulate, being very careful to show him just how you like to be touched down there. Or, you might initiate a 69 session in which you tell him to imitate the licks and strokes you use on him. That way, you will both be receiving pleasure and he will be able to follow your lead.
You can also create a “fantasy box,” in which you each write down naughty and sexy fantasies. Slip them in the box and whenever things get humdrum, reach in and grab one of the slips of paper. Act it out to the best of your ability and bring your naughtiest desires to life!
Most importantly, just make sure that you are upfront and honest when trying to communicate your needs. Your partner wants to please you…help him out already!
This is a topic that hits home to thousands of people across the nation, I being one of them and I felt compelled to post this article by well known sex therapist/counselor Dr. Laura Berman.
Do you have this problem, and if so what have you done about it?
– Jennifer Martin
When is the best time to have sex? Most couples tend to think of nighttime, but you might be surprised to learn that there is even a more appropriate time to get busy.
Does your sex life need a wake-up call? If you and your sweetie are finding that daily stresses are taking their toll, morning sex may be just the answer you’re looking for.
You’re more rested and recharged after a night of sleep, and the two of you have been spending quality time lying next to each other all night long. The groundwork for intimacy has been laid, not to mention that you’re already in the right location. All you need to do is make that first move!
Another perk of sex in the a.m. is the effect of higher testosterone levels — they’re at their peak first thing in the morning. Remember, testosterone is fuel for the libido and improves genital sensation. Morning sex not only feels better, but the resulting endorphin high can put a smile on your face that lasts the rest of the day. So wake up and make a move in the morning!
Flirting in the A.M. and Beyond
Switching up your sexual routine might get you thinking about your partner in a whole new light. Flirting is oft-neglected in long-term relationships yet is a crucial part of staying sexually connected. Awakening your partner with a good-morning kiss is flirtatious, but when you turn that good morning kiss into good morning oral, you have definitely taken things to the next level. Consider other flirting tips:
Let your partner know you want her, such as by sending her a sexy text during the day. Make it as sweet or as naughty as you want, just remember to make your desire for her clear. Nothing is sexier than knowing that your partner wants you. Keep this sexual energy flowing by exchanging perfunctory pecks for deep, sensual kisses, and stay connected physically by touching her more often. Hold hands, make-out in the back of the movie theater, snuggle together on the couch as you watch television, and make time in the morning for some a.m. action.
Treat each other like lovers, not roommates. After years of living together, it’s easy to slip into a habit of wearing old sweatpants, letting your grooming slip, or even forgetting to shut the bathroom door. This can really wreak havoc on your relationship. Not only will you not feel sexy and desirable, but your partner won’t feel that you are sexually interested in him and his sexual self-esteem can suffer as a result. It’s important to treat each other as lovers, and not slip into a platonic roommate routine.
Get ready for date night. Ask your babysitter to come over an hour before you actually have to leave the house. This will give you time to get ready a leisurely pace and relax before the date. Take some time for yourself and maybe even take a hot bath. Get sexy energy flowing by reading a chapter or two of an erotic romance novel while you are in the tub, or just wear that sexy bra and panty set you have been saving for a special occasion.
What are you waiting for? Get your flirt on!
A good kiss can make all your nerve endings tingle or may open the door to lasting love. We often use a kiss to gauge the potential for a bed mate, or a life mate.
What’s in a Kiss?
It’s a way of testing the waters, sampling the goods — before you commit.
It all starts with a kiss. Whether long and sensual or short and sweet, a kiss is the ultimate form of sensual expression. If done right, a kiss can light the flames of passion; if done wrong, it can bring adelicious infatuation to a less-than-rousing end. A kiss is the doorway to what comes next.
Many women will tell you that a kiss is the ultimate deal-breaker. A good kiss is both a matter of personal style athe undetectable chemicals of attraction that work through our sense of smell. The kiss delivers us to the most primal parts of our minds, which may be why there is so much potential for satisfaction and disappointment. nd what feels right for the moment. But what is it about a smooch that can send you to the stars or smack you right back down to earth?
A kiss puts you in close proximity with a partner’s skin and scent. Skin is the delivery site for pheromones —
For many, kissing is one of few sexual acts they’ve engaged in with a wide range of people. Again, since a kiss can make or break an attraction, it is often the case that we end up kissing far more people than we bed. It’s the supreme technique of sampling the goods with little emotional or physical investment.
So just how much experience are most of us getting? A nationwide survey conducted by Close-Up toothpaste got up close and personal with 2,200 men and women to shed some light on our modern kissing habits. It seems that men and women are definitely getting their practice in: The average woman kisses 17.5 men before she settles down and the average man kisses 24 prospects before he locks lips forever. Women rh for introducing it to us. The term actually entered the English language in 1923, in honor of the très passionate country. I suspect the French kiss was around long before anything — or anyone — French.
The study also considered geographic differences in kissing trends. Evidently the best place to live if you are an active kisser is in the Northwest, where people exchange more kisses per day (5.5) than anywhere else in the country. The Northeasterners are the most confident in their kissing abilities. Wondering about the Midwest? It seems they’re the most honest in relationships. They’re more likely than any other region to confess to a partner after making out with someone else — not to mention that they’re late bloomers. Compared to the rest of the nation, the first kiss of a Midwesterner comes somewhere between 16 and 18 years old, about five years later than the smoochers in Hawaii. So if you want a good kiss-filled vacation, you know where to go — but don’t forget to brush your teeth!
Source: Dr. Laura Berman
Slow down and engage in some erotic foreplay.
Foreplay is not only fun and exciting, it also helps to ensure that both you and your partner have an amazing time and are that much closer to reaching orgasm. I always say that if men are like microwaves, then women are like slow-cooking ovens. For most men, all it takes is the mere suggestion of sex and they are ready to go, but women are a little different. Not only do their bodies often take longer to respond, but they also need some time to make the mental switch from “mommy” or “corporate star” to “sex kitten.”
It doesn’t help that women are often multitasking machines, which means that they have a million things running through their heads at any given time during the day or night. Letting go of that to-do list and getting into a sexy frame of mind isn’t as easy as hitting a switch, and that’s where foreplay can help. Here’s how:
- Begin by making sure that you will have enough time to enjoy foreplay before the main event. Just a mere 10 or 15 minutes can make all the difference. Not all of this foreplay needs to be physical. You can also use this time to unwind, cuddle with each other, have a glass of wine, kiss, or talk. (Dirty talk preferably!) It will be a lot easier for both of you to feel sexual and enjoy the moment if you aren’t still stressed out over work or worrying about the kids. Take a few minutes to put the world on pause, breathe deeply, and reconnect. Think of this as mental foreplay.
- Men, try running your fingers gently along your partner’s back or in between her thighs. Kiss her along her breasts or neck. Spend time engaging the erogenous zones, and when it’s your turn, simply lie back and enjoy the sensations your partner’s fingers and tongue can create.
- Don’t feel like you need to be the “giver” or that you are selfish if you enjoy your partner’s advances. Instead of thinking of receiving pleasure as selfish, think of it as a way for your partner to feel connected and intimate with you. Notice how he enjoys making you feel good, and how much more bonded and sensual you feel when pleasure is a two-way street. Think of foreplay as a dance: You each have a role to play and steps to perform, and it shouldn’t be a solo routine for either of you.
- Foreplay doesn’t have to begin right before sex, or even in the bedroom. If you know that you don’t have time for sex, or if you are somewhere you can’t have sex (the middle of a restaurant, a wedding, etc.), you can tease your partner by giving him just a little taste of what’s to come. Give him a deep kiss when no one is looking, lay your hand on his thigh, or whisper to him what you want to do when you get back to your bedroom.
You don’t want to rush through foreplay; nor do you want to feel like there is a set amount of time you have to fill. If you are attune with each other’s bodies, it should be natural and evident when it is time to move on, and the switch from foreplay to sex should be organic and smooth.
Source: Dr. Laura Berman
No matter how long you’ve been together, every relationship needs a healthy dose of flirting.
When most people think of flirting, they tend to think of their early days of dating when capturing each other’s attention and affection was of the utmost importance. However, flirting plays just as important a role in long-term relationships as it does before a couple’s attraction grows into love and turns into deep commitment. Without flirting, affectionate touches, and playful teasing, couples risk losing the spark and passion that separates romantic partners from platonic friends.
Here are ten easy ways to bring flirting back to your relationship:
Remember when you used to get ready for a date by buying new lingerie or booking a blow-out at the salon? Get back to those days when you had so much fun seducing him, and allow yourself to experience the confidence boost that comes from looking and feeling your best.
Compliment Him On Something Unexpected
He knows that you find him attractive, but when is the last time you complimented his sexy forearms or marveled at his kisses or the way he holds you? Give him an unexpected compliment and you will boost his mood — and his ego — for the rest of the day.
Grab his hand in the middle of the supermarket, stroke his thigh under the dinner table, or sexily hop on his lap while you are watching television. Touch him every chance you get, and seize all opportunities to be physically close. Let him know, clearly, that you can’t keep your hands off him.
Have a Naughty Fantasy
Sometimes the best way to rev up your sexual energy is to spend more time focusing on sexy thoughts. Allow yourself to have a naughty fantasy or read some erotica to inspire your sexual imagination, and then channel that surge of sexuality into your relationship by flirting with your mate.
Send a Flirty Text
Technology can sometimes serve as a distraction in a relationship, but it can also be used creatively to generate some sexy sparks between you and your partner. Send him a text during the middle of the day that says, “I can’t stop thinking about your …” or text him during the middle of a double date and say, “Let’s get out of here so we can be alone.”
Be More Vocal
Your partner isn’t a mind reader, so when he does something you love inside the bedroom (or outside the bedroom), speak up (in words and groans of delight) to let him know. Positive feedback is one of the best ways to generate more good vibrations. Just acknowledging your pleasure strengthens sexual attraction and intensifies your flirty behavior, and he will take it as a compliment.
Lose Some of the Clothes
If you are in the habit of wearing sweats to bed, it might be time to swap out your usual nightwear for something a little sexier. Rethink your bedroom wardrobe and opt to slip into a teddy or a sexy pair of boyshorts and casually put lotion on your legs while he watches…riveted.
Go Ahead, Flirt With the Waiter
(A little.) While flirting can sometimes cross the line — and cheating is never okay — a little flirtation with other men can go a long way to remind your mate how irresistible you are. Just be super-nice to the waiter or the mailman. It can give you a boost of confidence to see that other men find you sexy, and it will make your partner doubly glad that you are going home with him!
Take the chance to exchange some of your most erotic imaginings with the idea of being open to trying them out. Tell your partner exactly what you want him to do, and then ask him to tell you as well. It will be highly erotic to discuss these hidden fantasies and will lead to you both receiving the touches and strokes you desire.
Be Bold and Make the First Move
Don’t wait for your partner to make the first move. If you want more flirting in your relationship, then you need to take the initiative and start flirting yourself. Your partner will likely respond by matching your playful, sexy mood. And flirting will become more organic and natural in your relationship.
Source: Dr. Laura Berman
Erectile difficulties are common with age, but there are ways to safeguard your sexual health.
Sex undergoes a transformation for both men and women as their bodies gets older and hormone levels change. Men might find that it takes longer to gain an erection or that orgasms are not as intense. They might also find that the refractory time — the period of time after orgasm in which it takes a man to achieve an erection again — increases.
In addition, it is not uncommon for a male’s sexual identity to go through some changes with age. Once a driving force in their lives, sex might become less of a priority or simply less frequent because it is not as enjoyable or an erection isn’t easily attainable.
Some men are willing to take this in stride — it’s as if they believe that sex has an expiration date! Fortunately, this is not the case, and there are many ways to help ensure that you enjoy healthy erections and powerful orgasms throughout your life.
Consider the following:
Talk to your doctor. If you are experiencing sexual difficulties such as erectile dysfunction, then it’s important to talk to your doctor. Not only will your doctor be able to offer you invaluable treatment, but erectile dysfunction can also be a sign of other health issues — such as vascular disease. Your sexual health is inherently tied to your physical and emotional health, so it’s important to make sure that your body is functioning at its best across the board.
Change your expectations. If you believe that your sexual experiences are going to suffer due to aging, then you are likely to live up (or down) to those expectations. However, the truth is that there is no reason to suppose that your sexual enjoyment has to end just because you are aging. Certainly, things will slow down a little and you might have to put in a little more effort, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t continue to enjoy your sexuality and connect with your partner in a physical way.
Liberate yourself. As people age, they find that certain sex positions are no longer possible or comfortable. This is particularly true if you suffer from mobility issues or sore joints. Luckily, there are tools out there that can help you to circumvent these problems. Consider the Liberator, sex furniture that offers a variety of different shapes, sizes, and angles to help treat everyone’s unique physical concerns.
Take care of yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself physically, you will feel the effects of this in the bedroom. But if you eat a healthy diet, exercise, effectively manage stress, and get a good night’s sleep every night, you will be more primed for sexual activity. You should also make sure that you are taking your medications correctly and ask your doctor about possible sexual side effects from your current prescriptions. (Blood-pressure medications, chemotherapy drugs, diuretics, antidepressants, and antihistamines are just a few of the prescriptions that have been linked with sexual side effects.)
Stay in tune with your sexual side. Part of the reason that aging is associated with lack of sexual activity is because people lose their partners as they age and find themselves facing singledom for the first time in decades. It’s important not to allow your grief to prevent you from finding love and affection in the future; but until you feel ready to begin dating again, you should consider staying in tune with your sexual needs through self-stimulation. Sex really works on a “use it or lose it” basis; so if you allow your sexuality to fall by the wayside during this time, it will be more difficult to recapture it again in the future.
Remember, there is no reason why you can’t enjoy sex well into your golden years and beyond. There is no such thing as a sexpiration date!
What is the G-spot, how can I find it, and the mind-blowing blended G-spot orgasm?
Still, some people question whether the G-spot really exists, and this is mostly because it is difficult to find if you are new to the terrain.
Finding Your G-Spot The easiest way to locate your G-spot is by leaning or lying back while you insert a finger into your vagina. Your finger should be shaped like a hook, almost as if you are gesturing someone to come closer. If you feel around one or two inches in from the top of your vagina, you should find a spongy bump that feels different from the rest of the vaginal tissue.
Many women say that touching the G-spot, or urethral sponge, feels almost like touching the tip of their nose. Some women may feel the urge to urinate when the G-spot is stimulated, but this feeling usually subsides. Keep moving your finger around the inside of your vagina to get a better sense of its structure and texture.
Put Your Partner on the Path to Your Pleasure Once you are comfortable locating your G-spot on your own, introduce it to your partner. Encourage him to explore, and build his confidence by letting him know what feels good. It’s actually easier to find the G-spot when you are aroused because the tissue fills with fluid and swells during arousal. You can guide him to the right place, first using his fingers, then during intercourse.
Achieving G-Spot Orgasm G-spot orgasms generally require long, sustained stimulation, especially when you’re first starting to explore them. The man-from-behind position is great for G-spot stimulation, but remember that since it’s located on the belly-button side of the vagina, he needs to penetrate at an angle that pushes his penis against the front wall of the vagina.
A woman-on-top position, especially one in which you kneel over him and lean back, allows you to control the angle of penetration. Also, the CAT position, short for coital-alignment technique, provides a variation on the missionary position in which the rocking back and forth helps to provide consistent friction for G-spot stimulation. Don’t forget that the G-spot is fairly close to the entrance of the vagina, so he’s more likely to stimulate it through shallow penetration as the head of his penis rubs against it.
The G-Spot and the Blended Orgasm Stimulating the G-spot is also a great complement to oral stimulation. When your partner is working your clitoris with his mouth, have him insert one or two fingers into your vagina with a gentle thrusting motion. If he tilts them upward slightly, he is likely to hit your G-spot and bring about some intense sensations that may ultimately result in a combined clitoral and vaginal orgasm — and even ejaculation.
Remember, the destination is less important than the journey. Let go of your intense focus on the goal, work to build pleasure and intimacy rather than stressing out, and enjoy finding your G-spot together!
Although many women aspire to be stick thin like models and actresses, a recent study reveals that guys prefer women who are shapely.
Forget stressing over each and every calorie! A recent survey from the dating site Yangutu has found that men actually prefer women who have healthy, curvy frames. According to its results, 78 percent of men prefer women with hourglass figures, while another 17 percent of men are attracted to women who are of average weight.
There is a reason why men might prefer women with ample curves. Men are visual creatures, and while they might respond to svelte fashion models, they are also biologically programmed to seek out a voluptuous figure. This is possibly because certain physical attributes like full breasts and a small waist-to-hip ratio are traditional signs of youth and fertility.
In fact, a 2010 study performed by researchers at Radboud University in the Netherlands found that even men who were blind from birth responded to these visual cues. The men were asked to feel mannequins who had varying waist-and-hip ratios, and then select the one they liked the best. Almost invariably, they chose the mannequin with the lower waist-to-hip ratio, just as the sighted men did. Hence, while size 00 might be the trend on the catwalk, it is voluptuous women with bodies like Marilyn Monroe or Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks who speak to a man’s basic need to procreate.
The message of body acceptance is an important one for all women, particularly for young girls. It is imperative that this lesson be learned and reinforced at home. If a girl grows up with a mother who is always dieting or skipping meals, she is going to get the message that her self-worth is inherently tied to her looks and her weight, and she is not going to learn healthy eating habits. Instead of purchasing the latest weight-loss products or stocking the fridge with prepackaged diet meals, mothers and daughters can stay healthy and fit together by choosing fruits, veggies, whole grains, and lean proteins, and by making a commitment to exercise together.
The bottom line is that no matter what size you are, food is something that should nourish your body and your spirit, and the only “diet” to consider is one that includes real, nutritious foods. Starvation strips you of more than just calories, it strips you of your self-esteem and robs you of happiness — one skipped meal at a time. So forget diet fare and reach for fresh food like veggies and fruits — not only will you look great, but you will feel great as well!
Source: Dr. Laura Berman