Aside

We crave our partner’s touch for a variety of reasons.

 

 

Touch is the most conspicuous of the five senses when it comes to exploring sex. Unlike with the other senses, sex simply cannot happen on a physical level in the absence of touch.

However, touch is far more than intercourse alone. The bonds of intimacy are woven through many different kinds of touch — including a familiar pat on the back, a quick squeeze of the hand and the somnolent cuddling that puts us in full-body contact with a lover. Inside the bedroom and out, touch is a powerhouse for intimacy.

The Science of Touch  Biological anthropologist Helen E. Fisher, a research professor in the department of anthropology at Rutgers University, eloquently writes in her book The Anatomy of Love: “Human skin is like a field of grass, each blade a nerve ending so sensitive that the slightest graze can etch into the humanbrain a memory of the moment.” The act of touching is a physiological and hormonal phenomenon that paves the way to good sex. Physical contact releases oxytocin, appropriately nicknamed the cuddle hormone. Since oxytocin spikes in response to touching, the more you touch, the better you feel and the more you want to touch.

When Words Won’t Work, Try Touch  Touch communicates in a way that words can’t. As women, we want to talk things out when faced with a relationship hurdle (often until we’re hoarse!). Men can find this to be more than a little frustrating. Sometimes, nonverbal communication is far more powerful than anything we could say. Touch can make words superfluous. Have you ever had a truly magical kiss? Or how about the wonderful feeling of your partner’s embrace when you least expect it? Touch sends the “I love you” message to our brains and relaxation to our bodies. This is so important to remember, especially when words have been pushing you and your partner apart, rather than together.

Being wanted and desired is what most of us long for at the end of the day. When intimacy breaks down, touch can fall by the wayside. Too many couples get caught in a sexual and emotional standoff: he’s not getting the physical contact he wants and she’s not getting the emotional intimacy she wants. Touch can help end the stalemate.

Use Touch to Get What You Both Want  When you take the lead and act more affectionate, your partner is going to feel loved and noticed and, as a result, will be more responsive to you. Women tend to crave more nonsexual touching, like a little backrub on the couch or holding hands as we do a daily errand together. He’ll start to get the idea if you initiate more contact with him (not to mention give him some extra loving in the bedroom!).

Of course, touch heightens the sensory experience during sex too. Skin is the largest organ we have. Almost any body part can feel sexual if touched in the right way. Try blindfolding each other and take turns touching and being touched to soak up the sensation. Also, experiment with textures like silk sheets or a feather tickler.

Touch can open up a whole new world for your relationship: Just reach out and touch yoursomeone…

 

Source: Dr. Laura Berman

 

Love Is a Hands-on Experience

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