Chemistry is one class you don’t want to fail!
We often hear people talk about “chemistry” or “sparks,” but when it comes down to it, these sensations are hard to define. Sexy means different things to different people. You might be a sucker for blondes, while your friend loves a great pair of legs or freckled skin.
Our sexual interests are unique, varied, and often a compete mystery to us. For instance, have you wondered why it is that you always seem to fall for guys with dark complexions, or why you go for women who wear glasses? It might seem like just a coincidence, but the truth is that our sexual desires run deep, and they are often connected to experiences from our childhood.
The lovemap theory, which was created by psychologist John Money, Ph.D., suggests that our desires are deeply rooted in past experiences. For example, let’s say you grew up next to a young boy who had dark hair and a sweet personality. Years later, you still find yourself seeking out dark haired men with a romantic spirit. Or maybe you had a red-haired teacher who was always caring and thoughtful, and years later, you still might get a positive boost when you see a red-haired woman.
Along with physical lovemaps, we also have behavioral lovemaps. Many of us have a “type,” whether it be bad boys, smart girls, or outgoing class clowns. Whatever your type, your relationship choices are no accident. We tend to act out the relationship patterns we saw as a child in our own homes, whether that was healthy or unhealthy, and many of these subconscious cues factor into chemistry and physical attraction.
All of these mental triggers start chiming the minute you meet someone, as your brain collects the visual clues and relates them back to your memories. As you subconsciously relate these clues back to your lovemaps, you might feel everything from instant attraction to platonic feelings to disinterest. You might not be able to figure out exactly why you feel the way you do, but those strong, instantaneous feelings won’t lie!
And, remember, while it is possible to walk into a room and feel sparks and connection with someone right away, that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to love. Unless there is something strong and sturdy holding that iceberg in place, then it doesn’t stand a chance when real life sets in and brings with it kids, careers, family stress, aging, illness, and all of the other facts of life.
You can’t possibly create that deep, abiding love with someone in an instant. That’s what makes real love so precious and worthwhile. It doesn’t just strike you out of nowhere or hit you like a ton of bricks. Instead, it changes you and causes you to grow into the best possible version of yourself, teaching you lessons of patience, fidelity, and communication. It might take only a moment for you to know whether you have chemistry with someone, but it takes much longer than that for you to develop real, lasting, life-changing love.
Source: Dr. Laura Berman