Our eyes often lead us to pursue our passions, love, and desires.


From “love at first sight” to “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” our language is filled with expressions that capture sight’s crucial role in our romantic lives.

A person’s appearance often inspires romantic interest in the first place. A certain someone catches our eye and we’re off! The brain gets all wound up and the heart goes aflutter. The pursuit of love, or at the very least sex, is ignited by the delicious sense of sight. We write a love letter, buy new lingerie, and sensually undress, all in worship of the wonders of sight.

There are far subtler ways that sight bewitches and beguiles. Eye contact is a primary communicator of interest or a lack thereof. When we fancy someone, we usually look and look away before maintaining eye contact for just slightly longer than normal.

When you see someone you like, make a point to linger just a little once you make eye contact, if only for a few seconds. And it’s not just for seducing new love interests. Send your current partner a strong message by looking deeply into his eyes while across the dinner table or at a crowded party with your friends. Think intimate thoughts and he’ll feel the burn of your gaze.

Look into the Heart of the Soul  A tantric technique known as soul-gazing is used to transmit sexual energy and healing. Give it a try! Sit comfortably facing your partner and gaze into each other’s eyes. Focus on the left eye, above the heart. You can place a hand over each other’s heart to synchronize your breathing too. You’ll find the eyes make a straight line to the heart.

Guys Lead With Their Eyes  When it comes to sexuality, men are known to be more visual beings than women. Evolutionary theory has it that physical appearance was the best way for prehistoric man to size up a fertile mate. The markers of such fertility still ring true today:healthy skin, bright eyes, symmetrical features, even childbearing hips. We haven’t strayed too far from the caveman ideal.

However, sight is the supreme sex sense for women too, but in another way. Our own body-image drives our experience as sexual beings. A woman’s body-image is formed early in life. How we are perceived by others, be they parents, peers, or other important people in our lives, plays a powerful role in our image of ourselves. At puberty, our looks become meaningful in a way we may not have been aware of earlier. It is both powerful and destructive.

As women, we are so vulnerable to sight that it drives our sexual feelings, as well as how we feel about ourselves. We prepare our bodies and faces for visual inspection by shaving our legs, choosing the right outfit, and doing our hair and makeup. It’s a self-esteem thing that drives our sexual confidence inside the bedroom and out.

The good news is that most women come into a sense of their own as they get older. It’s true — and somewhat ironic — that women report feeling more confident in their appearance at middle age than they did when they were younger and more “conventionally attractive.” It’s as if we discover a confidence we never knew existed. We finally see our own beauty, as others have seen it in us for years.


Source: Dr. Laura Berman

Our Eyes Can Shape the Way We Feel

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